Category Archives: Uncategorized

I’m a Christian, and I do NOT Defend Josh Duggar

Sure, God can forgive Josh Duggar.  But Josh did permanent damage to those girls.  It will stay with them and likely negatively affect them in some way until the day they die.

If his show gets shut down, oh well!  A secret child molester should not be representing the Christian community.

Yes, Jesus forgives him.  However, Jesus does not take away all consequences.  Why are we trying to protect him from the consequences by trying to defend him?

The real issue is: Christians believe that if Josh suffers at all publicly for his sins, it is automatically a personal attack on every individual Christian.  Well, guess what, unless you have molested children, it’s not.  How can you expect people to not get upset about this topic, when tons and tons of them have suffered molestation themselves?

If Josh was really sorry and had really experienced God’s redemption, he should have included this in his testimony FROM THE START.  Instead, he hid the sin and tried to portray himself as a super holy guy.

He could have given hope to the worst of sinners by being transparent, but instead he chose to protect his self image and hide his victory over sin.

Those who defend him by saying he was just a “curious kid” are just as disgusting as child molesters themselves.  Maybe I was curious about death when I was 14.  It is acceptable for me to kill my sister then, right?  And it’s ok for my parents to hide it from authorities, because they wouldn’t want a 14 year old like me to suffer consequences for my actions.  Let’s just put the girls in counseling, and send the boy to a workcamp for a little while, and pretend like it never happened.  Because that will fix everything.

Sadly, child molestation happens far more often than we know.  And so, so many abusers get away with it.

Why aren’t Christians writing articles about the effects of Josh’s actions on his sisters?  Why are the sisters being ignored??  Why are all of the Christian articles about how “Josh did wrong, but he’s really only getting backlash because he is a Christian.”  No, he is suffering because he is a child molester.  It’s that simple.

There really needs to be more research done on this topic!  Why aren’t we learning what causes adults and teens to molest kids?  If we cared enough to figure it out, schools could identify those at risk of doing such a thing, and work with those kids to prevent this. But no, everyone just hides it like the Duggards.

I’m glad that Josh is suffering some consequences for his sin; because otherwise his sisters would be the only ones who suffer for his horrible choices.

I personally wish that all child molesters would be castrated and die slow, painful deaths.  If I was president, that would be the law.  I think some public humiliation is a pretty minor consequence of the horrible choices he made.

What I bet you didn’t know about Porn

To all men,

Here is what you have a right to know about porn:

Did you know that the kind of pornography you’re most turned on by is usually linked to a corresponding hurtful event in your life, further injuring your brokenness?

Growing up in a sheltered home, I learned that it is wrong to watch porn.  I never had any desire to, and I assumed that it would never affect me.  Wow was I wrong; sadly it has brought much grief to my life.  I have recently done extensive research on the topic to better understand it.  I know everyone who reads this can learn something.  I write this based on an assumption that men are the ones watching porn.  Some girls struggle with the temptation also, but the majority are still men.

What you Steal from your Future Marriage

Ana Bridges, Ph.D. says “The camera angles minimize the visual information about who the guy is.  Porn tends to be shots of the penis, with the woman seen more in totality.” It’s intended to make men feel as if they’re actually having sex, not just watching it. (Scott)

According to an expert in menshealth.com, “The big kicker that people leave out of the equation is the ejaculatory response. This is what really stores the memory. When you have an orgasm, there’s a release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, presumably to bind you to your partner. If you’re viewing pornography, your partner is the screen in front of you.” Another expert said, “When all of those hormones are released, you’re conditioning the brain to bond and attach to those images. This pleasurable surge, combined with ‘perceived enhancement’ of real-world sex, can overshadow -even mask- any negative effects of porn, driving men to keep viewing it.” (Scott)

The bible says that if a man lusts after a woman, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  Porn is designed to make sure that men feel as though they are committing adultery- having sex with, or having a sexual experience with, the girl on the screen.  Even menshealth.com stated, “Porn offers easy access to commitment-free sex with multiple partners (Scott).”

On top of this addictive cycle, as you watch it over a period of time, you need more and more of it -and more intensity- to get the same high from it.  Ana Bridge, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Arkansas said, “When there is more action, more intensity of emotion- it doesn’t necessarily have to be a positive emotion; it can just be intensity- then arousal increases.”  Hence, a lot of porn involves women showing visible discomfort because this makes it more intense. (Scott)

In a recent report, “64 percent report that their tastes in porn have become more extreme or deviant.” (Christian)

No woman can compete with a website with hundreds of videos of the most attractive girls that the internet could find.  When one girl gets boring, there’s always another perfect-looking one to watch.  Many of the women have breast enhancements as well, making it even more difficult for real women to compete.  These porn actors also do things that most girls cannot do without physical, emotional, and/or mental discomfort.  Which leads me to my next point..

Abuse of Women While Filming Porn

Many porn actors say that they have been forced to continue in a scene, even if they were in pain and asked to stop.  Many porn actors experience frequent injuries (some of them very severe) and get STDs.  One porn star who left the industry “gave graphic details, many too explicit to describe here, about injuries from sex acts she performed on shoots.  Some scenes left her with tearing and bleeding and required heavy pain medication to endure (Hallowell).”

One ex-porn star said, “When I arrived to the set I expected to do a vaginal girl boy scene. But during the scene with a male porn star, he forced himself anally into me and would not stop. I yelled at him to stop and screamed ‘No’ over and over but he would not stop. The pain became too much and I was in shock and my body went limp.” (“Ex-Pornstars”)

Another ex-porn star said, “Most girls get their first experience in gonzo films – in which they’re taken to a crappy studio apartment in Mission Hills and penetrated in every hole possible by some abusive asshole who thinks her name is Bitch.” (“Ex-Pornstars”)

Another ex-porn star said, “My initiation into prostitution was a gang rape by five men, arranged by Mr. Traynor. It was the turning point in my life. He threatened to shoot me with the pistol if I didn’t go through with it. I had never experienced anal sex before and it ripped me apart. They treated me like an inflatable plastic doll, picking me up and moving me here and there. They spread my legs this way and that, shoving their things at me and into me, they were playing musical chairs with parts of my body. I have never been so frightened and disgraced and humiliated in my life. I felt like garbage. I engaged in sex acts for pornography against my will to avoid being killed. The lives of my family were threatened.” (“Ex-Pornstars”)

Another ex-porn star said, “I honestly felt that if I had to have another strange man in my face, his hands (God knows where they’ve been all over me) him calling me his baby and having to exude some sort of forged passion for the world to see, I probably would have exploded. And what would have been stuck to the walls would have probably been nothing, just pieces of skin, bone, the brain of a robot, and what would have been left of what would have existed once as a huge and warm heart.” (“Ex-Pornstars”)

In an article by Huffington Post:

..a 2007 study of 854 women in nine countries that found 49% of women “said that porn had been made of them while they were in prostitution, and 47% said they had been harmed by men who had either forced or tried to force their victims to do things the men had seen in porn.”

In other words, when Americans watch porn, they’re fooled into thinking they are always watching free men and women engaging in consensual sexual intercourse. Contrary to the popular image of the porn industry, many women are being forced to have intercourse, be groped, kicked, beaten, etc.

According to the non-profit Fight The New Drug (FTND), which relies on dozens of studies for its pornography data, “men who go to prostitutes are twice as likely to have watched a porn film in the last year compared to the general population.”

While data on the number of women girls and boys forced into porn is relatively scant, due to its secretive and illegal nature, Dawn Hawkins, Executive Director of National Center on Sexual Exploitation, told me that “the 20+ performers I have talked to (some still involved in porn) have all shared stories with me that they were forced and coerced many times over.”

“Drugs, alcohol, physical abuse, blackmail, threats, fake legal documents, deceitful enticing, promises of fame and money and so much more are used to get the girls to perform what and how the producers desire,” she added. (Westen)

Porn is also a major factor driving sex trafficking.

“Again, the Senate and President Obama should take the House’s lead in protecting victims of sex trafficking. However, like any industry, demand is what creates supply. As long as America’s men are being trained to think that violent, disturbing pornography is sexually acceptable, an enormous clientele for sex traffickers is being created every day in homes, college dorms, and apartments across the nation.” (Westen)

Some porn stars leave the industry and deeply regret what they have done.  One porn actress became a Christian and now says, “Even when I’m 60 I’m still gonna have this porn on the Internet. It’s like having a virus or something that never goes away.”  The sad thing is that many Christian guys watch her videos, and are actually further violating a [now] Christian woman who doesn’t want to be violated.  (Hallowell)

Another porn actress said, “I’ve smiled through gonzo scenes, but afterward went home sick, curled up in a ball and physically nauseated.” (Snow)

There have also been numerous instances in which men have given women date rape drugs, filmed porn of them, and put it online.  Some women have later found themselves in these online videos, to their horror.  Other porn consists of ex-boyfriends who upload a video which was supposed to only be for his eyes only while they dated.

Results in the bedroom

Many men learn sexual actions from porn, and then ask women to do them in the bedroom. Psychologists call this “sexual script theory,” the widely studied notion that what we watch becomes our definition of normal sex. (Scott)

Porn also portrays women as objects to be used for men’s pleasure, with no emotional or physical feelings.  This unconscious belief will often display itself in the way a man treats his female family members.  I have a friend who treats me very differently when he is watching porn (yes he is open about his usage).

One article states, “It’s no wonder, then, that people who use porn often have a hard time being tender when they have sex.  Sex tends to be impersonal, rushed, and “forced.”  I’m absolutely not saying that all porn users rape their wives, but porn itself is often violent.  There’s no foreplay. There’s no waiting to arouse someone.  It’s just taking what you want.  Being tender means to be loving.  It’s to give and to express affection.  Because these things aren’t paired with sex in the porn user’s brain, tenderness and sex no longer go together. (Gregorie)”

It’s already too late by Age 15

Researchers have been trying to do a certain study on the effects of porn on the brain.  They cannot find a large enough sample size of men who have never watched it, even amongst young teenagers.

This is a much larger issue than we realize.

In a 2008 study, 74 percent of men had looked at internet porn that usually featured group sex, intercourse, and genitalia by age 15.  Bridge says, “The younger a guy is when he starts surfing porn sites, the greater the potential influence on his sexual expectations.” (Scott)

Why hasn’t anyone told these guys that their choice to watch porn at age 15 will affect the Christian girl that they marry someday?  Why isn’t anyone telling girls that while they think they are saving something special for their future husbands, their bodies and what they do in bed will never compare to what guys have already experienced?  Why aren’t we telling girls that when they realize what is lost, they girls will feel betrayed, unvalued, unattractive, hurt, and angry?  Why aren’t we telling young boys that when they watch porn, they are watching a women being abused??  Why aren’t we telling them that by watching it, they are fueling a demand for the degrading of women (spiritually, sexually, emotionally, physically, mentally)?

There is always a cost and consequence to sin.  Unfortunately, most women pay for the choices that men made while thinking that they “weren’t hurting anyone.”

Why aren’t Christian parents putting porn guards on their computer?  I believe it’s because Christians do not know the cost of porn.  Christian women don’t realize that porn makes their husbands desire them less and how easily it can destroy their marriage.  Parents don’t think their 12 year old son will watch it.  After all, the dad has told the son that it is a sin on one occasion.  So the kid knows better, right?

Why have I never heard these facts from the church pulpit?  Why not in sex education in school?  (there was never any mention of porn in my two sex ed classes).  This is not a religious issue, there are statistics to back up the idea that porn negatively affects marriages, men, and women.  So if many kids want to get married someday, why are we not telling them this before age 13? (When many teens have already started viewing it)  Don’t they have a right to understand what the consequences are beforehand so they can make the best choice for their life and future goals?

What has been seen cannot be unseen.  While God can free men from the images constantly bombarding their minds, the images will always be stored and accessible if desired.  I have talked with many guys who have confirmed this truth.

The Bible tries to protect us by telling us to guard our eyes: Mathew 6:22-23 says, “The eye is the lamp of the body.  If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.  But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!”

Effect on girls who know have viewed it, whether they wanted to view it or not

Porn has the following effect on many women who have simply viewed it, whether they wanted to view it or not: it often normalizes things girls aren’t emotionally or physically ready to handle in their relationships with men, making them feel like they have no options or control over their sex lives, filling them with much regret and physical pain.

Many girls feel less valuable to men and have insecurities for years in the bedroom after they view it just one time.  Finally, many women subconsciously take on a victim mentality, in which they are uncomfortably sensitive to a guy’s sexual remarks or looks towards them. (Dubinsky)

Damage to Men

I have read numerous articles and blogs about men who watch porn for years and as a result, lose total interest in sex with their wives.  Many men cannot get an erection when they try to have sex with their wives, because the sex and the wife cannot compare to the intense visuals of porn.  Many men experience depression as a result of repetitive porn usage also.

However, many men report a renewed, intense desire for their wives when they stopped watching porn.  One woman said when her husband stopped watching it, his desire for her very noticeably increased.  He was all over her, saying lots of flattering things to her, just like she would want.

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18

Conclusion

Sex therapist Michael Metz, Ph.D., author of Enduring Desire said, the key is “thinking that sexuality is always relational, even if you’re single.”  How many dads have told their sons this before the sons hit puberty and try out porn?  I would guess close to none.  Many men don’t understand this truth themselves. (Scott)

One Huffington Post writer said:  “In the end, I simply wish someone would have told me why it was so harmful, instead of simply putting it on a list of things we don’t talk about.  We all know our rights and wrongs, but seldom do we know what makes them so.” (Dubinsky)

It’s time to start talking about this.  The cost is too great to keep silent any longer.

 

Footnote:  To protect your family from the destruction of porn, I would recommend the K9 porn computer/iphone filter which is free, or Safe Eyes 5.0, which is $50 a month.

 

Sources:

Westen, John-Henry.  “Want to Stop Sex Trafficking? Look to America’s Porn Addiction.”  Huffington Post.  January 28, 2015

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johnhenry-westen/want-to-stop-sex-traffick_b_6563338.html

 

Gregorie, Shelia.  “Top 10 Effects of Porn on Your Brain, Your Marriage, and Your Sex Life.” March 18, 2014.

http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2014/03/effects-of-porn-on-your-marriage/

 

Christian, Scott.  “10 Reasons Why You Should Quit Watching Porn.”  November 20, 2013

http://www.gq.com/blogs/the-feed/2013/11/10-reasons-why-you-should-quit-watching-porn.html

 

Scott, Joshua.  Men’shealth.com.   “How porn rewires your brain, hijacks your libido, and threatens your sex life (and just might improve it, too).”  October 10, 2012.

http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/porn-debate

 

Dubinsky, Lauren.  Huffington Post.  July 23, 2012.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lauren-dubinsky/porn-addiction_b_1686481.html

 

Safe eyes.  PC.

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2142463,00.asp

 

Parental Control and Monitoring Comparison.  PC.

http://www.pcmag.com/products/compare/26690?ids=240729,239905,234324,233729,218987

 

Hallowell, Billy.  “Ex-Porn Star Reveals the Horrors of Working in the Sex Industry.”  The Blaze.  October 24, 2013

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/10/24/ex-porn-star-reveals-the-horrors-of-working-in-the-sex-industry/

 

Porn Star Aurora Snow says the ‘Porn Business Is Not as Pleasurable as Some Think; It’s Very Painful’ March 18, 2013.

https://bcnn1wp.wordpress.com/2013/03/18/porn_star_aurora_snow_says_the_porn_business_is_not_as_pleasurable_as_some_think_its_very_painful/

 

“Ex-Pornstars on the Porn Industry.”  This is Rape Culture.  Tumblr.  July 7, 2013

http://thisisrapeculture.tumblr.com/post/54852823056/ex-pornstars-on-the-porn-industry

 

Arterburn, Stephen.  Every Man’s Battle.  August 2009.

Response to Robin William’s Death

Matt Walsh, a Christian speaker, wrote an article about Robin Williams and depression.  I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight if I didn’t respond with my own blog post refuting it.

Here’s his:  http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/08/12/robin-williams-didnt-die-disease-died-choice/#jtg3E2GxZH5o4iMO.99

In his blog, Matt said “The death of Robin Williams is significant not because he was famous, but because he was human, and not just because he left this world, but particularly because he apparently chose to leave it.  Suicide.”

Dear Matt, guess what you completely forgot to mention in your blog post: Robin Williams had bipolar.

Now I don’t care if he had bipolar depression or just regular depression, he did not CHOOSE to have a mental illness. Just like you did not CHOOSE to not have bipolar.  Let me just say that these points alone make your entire blog post invalid, but I will elaborate..

“I’ve seen it on the news and read about it in books, but I can’t comprehend it. The complete, total, absolute rejection of life. The final refusal to see the worth in anything, or the beauty, or the reason, or the point, or the hope.”

Of course you cannot comprehend it, you’ve never had a severe mental illness.  “Refusal” to see.  What horrible people these people must be, what a horrible attitude Robin Williams must have had for “refusing.”  How about “inability” to see.  An “inability” just as a person with ADD has an “inability” to concentrate at some times, not a “refusal” to concentrate.

Dear Matt, let me tell you what feeling suicidal actually feels like.  Have you ever run a long race and given it your all, and literally run until you cannot anymore?  What if you finally slowed down and came to a stop after running 10 miles for the first time.  Wouldn’t that be a “freeing” and “relieving” feeling?  What if I told you it is not “freeing” to do that, that is selfish, you must keep running.

There have been times where I have felt suicidal. The only way I can describe it is that you have no energy left to go on.  Just like the runner.  Except that it is emotional energy.  The thought of having to live the rest of your life is exhausting, let alone live tomorrow.

Many people who struggle with deep depression get to the point where they have been running for 10 miles, and they just want to end the run.  They can’t stand the pain, it’s too excruciating to bear.  On top of that, no matter what they do, how hard they try, they can’t get rid of the negative thoughts and sense of hopelessness constantly filling their minds.  (Which DOES come from a chemical imbalance in the brain, that’s why antidepressants work). Duh.

“But I don’t understand how theists, who acknowledge the existence of the soul, think they can draw some clear line of distinction between the body and the soul, and declare unequivocally that depression is rooted in one but not the other.”

So if I can just get myself totally right with God, my broken arm will not hurt at all.  If it still hurts, this is my fault and I’m not where I need to be with God?  I will agree with you that suicide is a choice.  Just like stopping in the middle of the race track is a choice.

“In suicide you obliterate yourself and shackle your loved ones with guilt and grief. There is no freedom in it.”

There is a lot of freedom in it.  You don’t have to feel that pain anymore.  It is the desire to stopping hurting that drives people to commit suicide.

Now please do not get me wrong, I am NOT advocating for people to commit suicide.  But if someone does commit it, it’s because they felt they could not take the pain anymore, not because they are selfish or unspiritual.

I believe that just like leukemia kills some people, others are killed by bipolar, depression, etc.

No, having bipolar/depression does not make your heart stop beating directly.  It does however, make your brain so ill that your brain tells your body to make your heart stop beating. 

Suicide is not a choice that a healthy person makes, they have an ILLNESS.

Suicide does shackle your loved ones in guilt.  It has been found that suicide majorly alters the lives of at least 6 people who were close to you.  It can completely ruin their lives.

There is hope, no matter how awful it feels.  Until you have tried every medication and every counselor in the world, there is still hope. 

“No depressed person in the history of the world has ever been in the depths of despair and at the heights of joy at the same time.”

In the Bible, David was called “a man after God’s own heart.”  He talks about his depressed feelings more than almost anyone else in the Bible.

Psalm 6:6: “I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.”   Yet he was simultaneously committed to the Lord and following the Lord wholeheartedly:  1“O LORD my God, in thee do I put my trust: save me from all them that persecute me, and deliver me.”  17“I will praise the LORD according to his righteousness: and will sing praise to the name of the LORD most high.” Psalm 7:1,17

You can definitely still have the joy of the Lord and of knowing Him, and be deeply depressed.  There is a difference between happiness and joy.  Happiness is circumstantial, when everything is ok in your earthly surroundings.  Joy is having peace that the Lord is with you and that you will spend eternity with Him, even in the midst of excruciating physical or emotional pain.

We are all meant for love. We are all meant for life.

You are right about this one Matt, and don’t think for a second that someone who is depressed or has a mental illness simply doesn’t want these.

The Lamest School to Party in Ohio

Total Frat Move recently published a map of the lamest party schools in each state. [Map Of The Lamest Party Schools In The Nation Will Make You Glad You Don’t Go There]

Cedarville University won the prize for Ohio.  Liberty University took Virginia.

Inspired by John Wesley Reid’s blog about Liberty, Why Liberty Being the Lamest Party School Is A Reason To PartyI decided to write my own response for my alum, Cedarville University.

What’s really valuable at the end of four years of college?  You may have had a blast drinking and partying (if you can remember most of it), but then it’s gone.  Is there more to college than that?  There is at Cedarville University.

Professors

Did your professors invite you to their homes for homemade dinners?  Did you feel comfortable enough to go to them for advice about your personal life?  Were they incredible examples of character, love for others, and faith to you during those four years?  Did they inspire you by the way they loved their families and God?  Did they actually care about your personal life and offer constructive criticism because they truly cared about each person in their classroom?  I am so thankful for the amazing role models that I had the privilege to get close to and learn from.

Random scholarships if you’re struggling

I walked into the financial aid office in the fall of my sophomore year, knowing that I would never be able come back to CU.  The adviser said that he would put me on a list, but that there was nothing else they could do. A few weeks later, $2,500 showed up in my student account from a random alumnus. Three years and many more scholarships later, I was walking across the stage as a graduate.

Break rules without actually committing a crime

Climbing through a window into a boy’s dorm, sneaking out after curfew, trying to sleep in an academic building, painting the school rock with something controversial, sneaking into the gym and running around in a bra and underwear after it’s closed.. so many rules to break without actually committing a crime or hurting someone.  Any Christian with a creative mind and a knack for getting in trouble will have a great time with CU’s rules.

Safety

Leave your wallet to save your seat.  Yes, you can leave your phone, money, and laptop on the table in the cafeteria or library, and it will still be there when you come back.  Yes, a girl can walk around campus by herself at night and feel perfectly safe.  Missing that now that I’m living in DC..

Genuine pursuit of faith

I’ll be honest, I was expecting my CU Bible classes to be just like the church services I’ve been attending every Sunday morning of my life.  Instead, CU Bible profs raised questions about God that I had never thought about, and then they stepped back and let me wrestle with them. Profs did not tell me what to believe, or even what they personally believed at times.  Examples: God and time, what existed before the creation of the world, was Esther really following God, etc.

Campus Christmas- Open Dorms

This is probably the coolest event CU puts on.  Each hall decorates their rooms, hall, and themselves to act out a theme or small story as other people walk through.  And I mean, people go ALL out.  Some of the best have been the Matrix, Indiana Jones, CSI, the rapture, the movie UP, Narnia, New York City, a time machine, Keeblers factory, the Wild West, a men’s spa, the Olympics, a rollercoaster simulation built by engineers, and hundreds more.  

Israel

Study abroad trip to Israel for a month with 7 CU students & a professor.  4 college credits + board + hotels + food + airplane ticket = less than $5,000.  This trip was what lead me to all of my other involvement in Israel advocacy and my first job.  Thank you, CU!

So nope, the students of Cedarville University did not party much. But there are some things the best parties schools just can’t offer.